Facial Features

As long as I can remember, I've had a face. Not just a face but one with all the parts on it. Sometimes I wish I was missing one of these parts outright, so I had something to focus on. One specific thing. Cause see, if I didn't have a nose, obviously I could spend most of my time worrying about that. Not that there's anything wrong with not having a nose. I actually think Voldemort was really misunderstood and totally valid in hating Harry. Because he was really self important and sexually frustrated. Also I  think that his not having a nose was fierce and he could've been one of those weird-looking models that model for Gucci. Also, if I didn't have a nose, people couldn't do that annoying thing they do with babies where they pretend to steal your nose but it's just their thumb and-won’t give it back. Do I look like a baby? Hate that shit. 

Anyways, the point is there's too many options. I can always find something to look at or pick apart or tweeze so I thought I would talk about them here.

I’ve been told on multiple occasions that I've got a square shaped face, but “in a good way,” which I didn't even know was possible. It's like if I murdered somebody- stabbed them 46 times in the heart and liver- but “in a good way.” It's like that. I suppose it doesn't really bother me that my face is shaped like a square, except on the days I wake up looking particularly square, and then I have to wonder if other people will notice while they're talking to me and get distracted from my telling them about something really important. Like if I was telling them about something going on at home but they didn't get any of it cause I looked too much like that Lego guy, you know, the one Chris Pratt voiced. Sometimes, I even like to think that a square is a strong shape for a face to be. I like that logic because it means that if I had whatever shaped head Society says you should have, like an almond or something, it wouldn't be structurally sound. It could just fall apart at any time of day. Then again, I think that if that was true, probably more people's heads would be falling apart at any time of day and they would deserve it. Them and their stupid perfect nut-shaped heads.

My mouth to me has always been fine, except for the fact that the bottom lip is truly obscenely bigger than my top lip. The top lip has been the worst of it by far, so much so that I’ve wondered if I could somehow make it bigger and then it would be less glaringly obvious but I looked it up and apparently the rules of the Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge state that you must include both lips in the challenge and so that blew the lid right off of that idea. I bet if Kylie's lips were disfigured in the way that mine are, she wouldn't stick to the rules but I have a gut feeling that Kendall is a really mean sister, and she started dating Timothee Chalamet right when he fell off, so I guess she's already got it hard enough and I should lay off. Maybe if I pierced my top lip and rubbed it against the pavement long enough it would get infected and swell up and they'd be even, but then I think I'd better not because when my uncle rubbed his lips on the pavement they fell clean off and we all laughed about it at Easter. We called him no lip Ned. He wasn’t mad about it, though, because he knows teasing is how we show love.

My eyebrows I have to pluck, but only really in the middle. When I was in 11th grade a boy in my class said “Wouldn't it be so funny if Saskia had a unibrow?” and I didn't laugh and I don't think anybody else really did either, but now I will never have a unibrow until I die. The boy's name was Noam and he never grew after 8th grade. 

My nose, I worry, is shaped too much like a triangle and it makes my face look angular and unforgiving. Everybody wants their face to look decidedly forgiving, so that people will come to you when they have something that's eating at them;they feel there's nobody else in the world they can turn to except for you, of course, because of your ridiculously forgiving face. Plus it’s like a square-face triangle- nose. I'm basically made of shapes. I’m a fucking Picasso painting. And not in the good way. 

I like the color of my eyes. They're the kind of eyes that would always have my teachers saying things like “Hitler would have liked you” when we were learning about World War II, which I enjoy purely for the fact that I’m Jewish and so Hitler would have had another thing coming. The thing is that when I smile my eyes essentially disappear and ruin any photograph there is of me where I am happy. My grandma has a bunch of my school photos hanging up in her kitchen, and everytime I go in there I come face-to-face with a haunting reminder of not only what it felt like to be in school, but to be asked to smile about it for a photograph only to be eyeless, square faced, triangle nosed, and unevenly lipped. I'm left with the only good photos of myself being ones where I'm not smiling, which is why I could never go on a dating app because everybody would think my account was a cry for help. 

But you know, at the end of the day none of this stuff even matters because most people when they see me are too focused on my giant face tattoo of a really violent graphic and terrifying scene to pick up on any of that stuff anyways.