A Field Guide to the Detroit Metropolitan Wayne County Airport: Where Can You Bring Your Pet Mouse?
We’ve all been there: you’re buying your tickets to the World Mouse Championship™ in Chicago (the mouse capital of the world) when Delta Airlines hits you with a seven hour layover in Detroit. So now you’ve gotta figure out what the hell you’re going to do with your pet mouse for seven hours. Well, look no further for the perfect guide to mouse-friendly areas at the Detroit Metropolitan Wayne County Airport.
The Delta Lounge
The Delta Lounge has a very strict no-rat policy, but their website says nothing about mice. So as long as you have the proper papers identifying your pet as a mouse, you should have no problem getting into the Delta Lounge. Plus, sometimes they have cheese, such as cheddar or gouda, which are good for a growing mouse.
Gate B14
Frequenters of the Detroit airport know that this is the best gate in the whole airport, and not just because of its proximity to the Chili’s Express. There are no chairs at B14– standing room only– which makes it the perfect place to let your mouse out of its cage and scurry around a little bit. After all, everybody knows how important it is to tire out your mouse before a long flight, otherwise they’re gonna be running through the aisles and scouring the overhead bins for loose cheese.
Military Personnel pre-boarding line
This is a great place to bring your mouse where he’ll finally get the respect he deserves for serving his country. Disclaimer: this only works if your mouse is a veteran or active military personnel.
TSA pre-check line
The TSA pre-check line is my personal favorite place to bring my mouse, because we all know how difficult it can be to take off, and then put back on 4 mouse shoes. Especially if your mouse is like mine, and insists on wearing high-top converse to the airport. And you can’t explain to your mouse why he has to take his shoes off because he could never understand the nuances of the war on terror. Traveling with mice was SO much easier pre-9/11. With TSA pre-check, you can skip all that hassle and get to the good parts of the airport.
Duty Free Shop
Unlike most Duty Free shops, the Detroit Airport Duty Free Shop prides itself on its inclusivity with its mouse section! They have tiny bottles of mouse alcohol and tiny mouse cigarettes. And while I don’t typically let my mouse drink or smoke, if you have a teenage mouse like I do, sometimes it’s better to just give in and let them have it to avoid an airport tantrum. I guess now’s as good a time as any to plug my self-published sequel to “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie,” called “If You Give a Mouse a Ciggie,” which is available on Amazon now!
The Bathroom
Whether or not you can bring your mouse into the people bathrooms at the Detroit Airport is a fiercely debated topic among mouse owners. However, I have found that most people are just there to do their business, and they don’t really care if there’s a mouse in the next stall over. But I always make sure to have a couple copies of Everybody Poops for anyone who gives me shit (pun intended LOL) – just to show them that they have some common ground with my mouse. Everybody pulls up their pants the same way, you know?
As you can see, there are lots of mouse-friendly locations at the Detroit Metropolitan Wayne County Airport. But whatever you do, do NOT bring your mouse to the pet relief area! Some bastard dog PEED on my mouse and I had to wash him off at the water bottle-filling station. Ridiculous.