Cautionary Tales

Nonsense

“Bruno Mars is the short king we all needed in 2023," said the man. This was the last thing he said before getting hit in the skull with a giant metal crane and DYING upon impact due to a traumatic brain bleed. This super sucks because he had dreams of becoming a Fucking pilot! Plus he never smoked weed before or had a girlfriend in his life. On just another normal day, your worst nightmare can become a reality.

Envy

"I wish I was lucky," said the woman. The woman who lives in a house funded by the government. The woman who spends each day trying to draw the perfect ghost. The woman who gets paid by the government to draw the best ghost ever. Yet she still wishes for a life better than her own. Sometimes the best things in life are right in front of you.

Responsibility

A boy with a great deal of work waiting for him at home spent a night at the club, wanting to blow off steam.  Suddenly, a Spiritual Being appeared. "Wake up! Wake up!" it yelled at the clubgoers. "You guys need to get out of here! You have work you need to be doing! You have a test tomorrow! You need to get ahead!" The boy froze. In times of great responsibility, you must choose academics over fun.

Desire

"I am tired," says the 22-year-old girl. "I wish I was beautiful," she says. She sits on her air mattress eating chocolate bananas. Maybe she should get up and lift weights or something. She complains, and yet she does not act. What are you tired of, young girl? Your shift at the alternative comedy open mic factory? You should brush your teeth more also. In times of yearning, we must work harder. Like Eminem. I just watched 8 Mile.

Vanity

A 100 hundred-year-old woman celebrates her birthday. As she blows out the candles in front of three generations of her family, she realizes she has a wish. Memories flow through her: a first date, a last dance, a really good sandwich she had once. Her eyes well with tears, as she knows what she wants: the biggest craziest boob job the world has ever seen. She knows this may kill her. So this one doesn’t actually have any kind of special message I just think it would be funny if an old person had huge fake tits. Honestly, none of these really teach a valuable lesson, but what if they did? Then maybe I could teach a class at Northeastern or something called like The Science of Dogs. Cautionary tales are all around us, but whether we choose to answer the call…. is up to God<3